Numbers

By Kay Jenkins

More questions than I can fit on my fingers, both of my hands.

More of you than may admit do truly understand.

What if we wore our minds on our sleeves?

Our hearts they’re just too pure.

They mask the bad

True flaws, the heart ignores.

Number 1. Glue. Because he got close and then he touched you. Touched you in ways only glue could. So when he left, every touch stuck. With you. Glue, because you can’t undo what he did to you

Number 2. Re-do. Because something you were once scared to do is done and through. Now you get the chance to choose, who you lend yourself to. 

Which leads to number 3. Revenge. Because you did something that went against you, in attempt to prove that the glue was free from you.

4. 5. And yes there’s more.

Numb. Because you couldn’t feel a thing. Question marks because you can’t remember why you let them in. 

4 and 5 you claimed were fun. Though they acted as a reminder, they should have told you to be done.

6 and 7. Acts to please. An attempt to put your anxiety at ease. This wasn’t the route you were meant to take, would’ve never guessed you’d take this “fate” But after all this is what you’ve made. 

Now you’re left again alone, ashamed,

And afraid.

8. A number that cannot be erased. Memories stained, ones that cannot be replaced. 

Do you know what it takes to earn this space?

Both true love and

True hate

Number 9. Time to turn back time. Revisit something left undone because all you wanted, was to feel someone.

Number 10. Beginning to remember what you left behind. Everything you claimed and everything you had to hide. Memories flowing through from time to time. You close your eyes, because there are a few advantages to being blind. 

11..12..13. Some more you managed to find. These all in some way, looped around the ties. 

All that took advantage, took for granted, and all you let them do.

I count back to zero, and I say goodbye.

Because only She gets to decide what she keeps

And

What she leaves behind

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